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What I’ve learned from the Bachelorette

 

I watched the final Aussie version of the show, when “Sophie” professes her love for one of the two contestants remaining.

Not sure why I watched it, it was on and I had subconsciously seen so much of the promo material that I figured “ok lets see who she chooses’.

The big issue in her actress come songstress’s life was that she traditionally selected high profile, player types with the ego maturity of a cumquat.

Her mission, should she choose to accept it, was to override her natural propensity to go for excitement, the risky dude and the flamboyant big shot and to find someone normal who she could rely on and build a family with.

Someone who had her back not matter what, no issues, no drama, a good solid bloke – in Aussie terms that’s a keeper.

To do that, I thought, she had to be prepared to over-ride that overrated physical response called chemistry.

Chemistry will help you repeat the same mistakes or remake the same choices from the past as it is exciting and a familiar feel good, addictive rush all of us seek. As we grow in experience most of us realise that chemistry doesn’t last and relationships take a lot of practical stuff to make them work.

Intellect therefore, will not always win.

But I took her at her word and hoped she’d break her cycle, she was so damn genuine about it. It takes a huge commitment to your goals and an advanced level of self-awareness to stick to that decision, and it is a decision. Overcoming an addiction, and I am classing chemistry as that, will not be easy.

Then, she chose the player, the multi millionaire, full of baggage, already had a vasectomy man about town – NOOOOOO I cried, don’t do it, I was devastated, I sooo wanted her to show all my 30-something friends it can be done, the good wholesome genuine caring emotionally connected guy can be triumphant.

Sigh… but no, she didn’t.

She actually said to the runner up something along these lines, you are everything my head told me I wanted. But I have fallen in love with someone else.

Phhhffft!

I always want people to be happy so I hope they prove me wrong.

The Take Away

My take away here was that until we are all really ready to back ourselves, put ego in its place and conquer pure emotional responses, we are never likely to rewrite the script of our lives.

In order to kick off the rewrite and truly commit to what we want we must remind ourselves of our mistakes, don’t let them fade into the distance, as if we ignore history we are destined to repeat it.

If we waiver in our commitment to ourselves and to our goals, we are destined to circling in the same shark infested waters.

Bachelorette, good luck, you will need it.

I write about this in my new book “The Albino Chameleon”.

Get in touch, I always enjoy your perspective and comments.

Kirsty Ferguson, Founder of Pinstripe Solutions and Author of The Albino Chameleon.

http://www.thealbinochameleon.com/

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